Why It's Okay Not to Be Okay!
- shellymabuto
- 2 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Series 1: Breaking the Silence — Destigmatising Mental Health |Article 1 of 5
Why It’s Okay Not to Be Okay: Redefining Mental Health in Our Communities
There is a phrase many of us grew up with. It was not always spoken in English. It might have been: “Be strong.” Or: “We don’t talk about those things.” Or perhaps it was simply the silence itself , the way a mother’s eyes would move away from tears, or the way nobody ever named what was happening inside the house.
For many of us from BAME, migrant and refugee communities, the unspoken rule around mental health was clear: you carry it. You do not put it down. You certainly do not let anyone outside the family see it.
And so, we learned to carry it. Many of us are still carrying it today.
What Mental Health Really Means;
Before we go any further, let’s talk about what mental health actually is because one of the first barriers we face is the language itself.
Mental health is not the same as being “mad” or “crazy” words that have been weaponized against people in our communities for far too long. Mental health is simply the state of your emotional and psychological wellbeing. It is how you think, how you feel, and how you cope with the world around you.
Just as we talk about physical health, our blood pressure, our weight, our nutrition, mental health is something that rises and falls for every single one of us. It is not a character flaw. It is not a spiritual failing. And it is not something to be ashamed of.
The Weight Our Communities Carry
It would be dishonest to talk about mental health in BAME, migrant and refugee communities without acknowledging what so many of us carry.
The exhaustion of navigating systems not designed for us. The grief of displacement missing the country, the family, the version of yourself who existed before you left. The invisible labor of being the strong one. The experience of racism, microaggressions and discrimination, and the way they quietly chip away at your sense of self-worth over time.
Research consistently shows that women from BAME and migrant backgrounds face significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress yet are far less likely to seek or access mental health support. The reasons are many: stigma, language barriers, distrust of services, and a lack of culturally informed care.
But there is another reason, and it is one we rarely discuss: many of us were never taught that what we were experiencing had a name. That it was real. That it was valid. That it deserved support.
“You are not too strong to need help. You are strong enough to ask for it.”
The Role of Culture: Strength and Silence
Our cultures give us so much. Community. Resilience. Spirituality. A sense of belonging that anchors us even when everything else feels uncertain.
But some of what our cultures have taught us about mental health is not serving us.
The belief that talking about your feelings is weakness. That seeking therapy is “for white people” or “for people who have lost their minds.” That prayer or hard work alone will fix everything. That what happens in the family must stay in the family.
These beliefs come from somewhere real. They came from generations of people who survived by not showing vulnerability in systems that punished it. But survival is not the same as healing. And the tools that helped our grandmothers endure are not always the tools that will help us flourish.
Strength does not mean silence. Strength can also look like asking for help.
What Happens When We Don’t Talk About It?
When we do not acknowledge our mental health, it does not disappear. It moves. It shows up in our bodies as headaches, as fatigue, as tension we cannot explain. It shows up in our relationships in short tempers, in emotional distance, in the way we snap at the people we love most. It shows up in our children, who are watching and absorbing everything.
Unprocessed grief becomes chronic sadness. Unchecked anxiety becomes panic. Burnout becomes illness. And the longer we wait, the heavier everything becomes. You deserve support before you reach breaking point. Not after.
Why Therapy Is Not “Just for Some People”
We know that talking therapy counselling, CBT, peer support and other forms of psychological support can transform lives. The evidence is clear and well-established. Yet many women in our communities have never accessed these services, and some have never been told they exist.
Therapy is not about being broken. It is about investing in yourself with the same commitment and care that you already pour into everyone else. It is a space to:
• Say the things you have never been able to say out loud
• Untangle the stories you have been carrying, perhaps for decades
• Understand why you respond to the world the way you do
• Learn that you are allowed to respond differently
Therapy is not reserved for people who look a certain way, speak a certain language or come from a certain background. It is for you. It has always been for you.
****Five Signs You Might Benefit from Support****
Sometimes we need a prompt to recognise that what we are feeling goes beyond everyday stress.
Here are five signs that speaking to someone might help:
• You feel persistently sad, empty or exhausted, even when nothing specific has happened
• You have lost interest in things that used to bring you joy
• You feel anxious, on edge or overwhelmed more often than not
• You are using food, alcohol, business or other habits to push down difficult feelings
• You feel like a burden to the people around you, or that things would be easier without you
If any of these resonate, please know: this is not weakness. This is your mind asking for care. And you deserve to give it that care.
A Word to the Women Who Are Not Okay Right Now
If you are reading this and something in these words has touched something in you. That tiredness that lives behind your eyes, the sadness you push down every morning, the way you keep saying “I’m fine” when you are not we want you to know that you are not alone.
What you are feeling is real.
You did not arrive here because you are too weak. You arrived here because you have been carrying too much, for too long, without enough support. It is okay not to be okay. And it is okay to want to feel better.
The first step is simply naming it. You do not have to have the words yet. You do not have to have a plan. You just have to let yourself acknowledge that you are carrying something and that you do not have to carry it alone.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Afia Clinic offers free peer support sessions, mental health workshops and health
awareness events designed specifically for women in our communities.
📍 North East of England
All sessions are confidential, culturally sensitive and free of charge.
Interpreter and translation support is available upon request.
If this article spoke to you, please share it with a woman in your life who might need to read it today.
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